Apologies Can Increase Your Burnout

Stop Apologizing When You Haven’t Done Anything Wrong

How often do you catch yourself apologizing for something that isn’t your fault?

Recently, my daughter was sick and ended up needing a late-night trip to urgent care. It was one of those situations where everything escalated right at bedtime—of course. As we were driving to an urgent care that was further away but still open, she looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, Mom.”

I immediately responded, “You don’t need to apologize. It’s not like you chose to get sick or asked for a trip to urgent care. This is just part of what we do—and it’s my job as your mom to take care of you.”

I believe in that moment, my daughter was trying to acknowledge that neither of us wanted to be in that situation. She didn’t want to be sick, and she certainly didn’t want to be out in the car late at night. But her instinct was to apologize—because she felt bad for causing a disruption.

And that got me thinking.

We have all done it!

Apologizing vs. Acknowledging

This moment reminded me of just how often we default to apologizing—especially those of us who are natural people pleasers. In medicine, this tendency can show up constantly. We don’t want to disappoint others. We don’t want to seem unavailable or unhelpful. And so we apologize… for things that aren’t our fault, or aren’t even a problem.

We say:

• “Sorry I didn’t respond sooner,” even if it’s well within a reasonable timeframe.

• “Sorry I can’t take that on,” when it’s not part of our role or we’re already at capacity.

• “Sorry I have to leave early,” even when it’s a previously scheduled obligation or our regular end time.

This kind of automatic apologizing may seem harmless, but over time it chips away at our confidence and reinforces a belief that our needs are somehow a burden to others.

And worse—it feeds into the cycle of burnout.

The Cost of Constant Apologizing

When we apologize for setting boundaries or simply existing within our limitations, we’re often doing it to avoid discomfort. We want to be seen as accommodating, available, and easy to work with. But that pressure builds. And when paired with the very real demands of our roles—as physicians, educators, caregivers, leaders—it becomes a recipe for frustration, resentment, and exhaustion.

We start asking ourselves: Is it even worth it?

Why does it feel like I can never do enough?

Why am I the one who always bends?

Apologizing isn’t inherently bad. In fact, a sincere apology is powerful when we’ve made a mistake or caused harm. But not everything requires one. Sometimes, what we really need is a way to acknowledge the situation or someone else’s experience without taking on responsibility we don’t own.

Acknowledgement Without Apology: 3 Simple Swaps

When I’m trying to shift a behavior, I’ve found that having some go-to language makes all the difference. So here are three scripts I use regularly to acknowledge a situation without over-apologizing:

1. When you didn’t immediately respond to a message (but still within a reasonable timeframe):

Instead of: “Sorry I didn’t respond sooner.”

Try: “Thanks for your patience—I appreciate it.”

This simple shift expresses gratitude and professionalism without suggesting you did something wrong.

2. When something is outside your scope or capacity:

Instead of: “Sorry I can’t help with that.”

Try: “I’m not available, but I hope you find what you need.”

This keeps your boundary clear, avoids over-explaining, and still shows you care.

3. When you have a prior commitment or are honoring your work hours:

Instead of: “Sorry, I have to leave early.”

Try: “I’ll be heading out at 4 today—see you tomorrow!”

It’s a neutral statement of fact—because you have every right to your time.

It’s Time to Let Go of Guilt

These swaps might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to cushioning every “no” or unmet expectation with an apology. But they’re small, powerful steps toward reclaiming your time, your energy, and your confidence.

Over-apologizing doesn’t make you more professional, more kind, or more helpful. It just makes you more depleted.

Want Help Breaking the People-Pleasing Cycle?

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

Join me for my free masterclass: Pathway from Chaos to Calm where we’ll dive into real-world strategies for:

• Reducing stress and overwhelm

• Setting boundaries without guilt

• Leading with purpose, balance, and clarity

Whether you’re deep in burnout or just starting to feel the edges of it creeping in, this is a space for you.

Save your seat now and take the first step toward a more aligned and calm version of your life and leadership.