For those who’ve known me well for a long time, you know how important my mom was in my life. She was my biggest cheerleader, sounding board, inspiration, and simply the best mom and grandmother anyone could ask for. That doesn’t mean we didn’t have our arguments—we were often too much alike—but not a week goes by, even now, that I don’t think about picking up the phone to call her.
It was MLK weekend in 2019 when everything changed. That weekend, I made the decision to move my mother to hospice care. It’s a weekend I will never forget.
At the time, I was working long, grueling hours. I frequently took 24-hour calls to deliver babies, rounding on them afterward, and often worked consecutive shifts to “free up” my weekends for family. That Friday, I worked a 24-hour shift, caught four babies, saw countless patients, and barely had time to breathe.
On Sunday, I was back at work from 7 AM to 7 PM, covering calls and checking on babies I had delivered. By the time I finally walked into my house at 6:45 PM, the phone rang. It was the nursing home where my mom was staying. She wasn’t responding as expected, and they couldn’t give me more information.
I knew this was bad. I made the decision to transfer her to hospice care the next day, and four days later, my mom passed away.
How MLK Weekend Became Sacred
While there’s a lot I could say about that experience, what I want to focus on is how I’ve approached every MLK weekend since then.
When my mom passed, I wasn’t new to loss. I had already said goodbye to my aunt (who helped raise me), both grandparents, my dad, my father-in-law, and more loved ones than many of my peers had experienced. I knew anniversaries of loss could be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard they would be.
The first MLK weekend after my mom’s passing, I instinctively took the weekend off to be with my children. It felt right. But I soon learned that spending time with others who loved her—my mom’s best friend, her children, and their grandchildren—was just as healing. Over time, I realized this wasn’t just good for me; it was necessary.
I tried to return to working MLK weekends the next year, but the pandemic had begun, and life was all-consuming. By 2021, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed that time to grieve, reflect, and be with the people who mattered most.
The Importance of Boundaries
This was when I learned an important lesson: boundaries are essential.
Boundaries aren’t about rejecting others—they’re about protecting what’s important to you so you can thrive. They’re about prioritizing what matters most so you can show up as your best self at home and at work.
For me, honoring MLK weekend as a time for rest, reflection, and family was one of the first real boundaries I set for myself. It wasn’t easy. Many of my peers hadn’t yet experienced the kind of loss I had, and some didn’t know how to talk to me about it.
But here’s the truth: it shouldn’t take losing a loved one to learn how to set boundaries.
What Boundaries Can Do for You
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re selfish or unwilling to help others. It means you’re recognizing your limits, conserving your energy, and creating space for the things that matter most.
By honoring MLK weekend as a boundary, I’ve given myself the time to grieve, heal, and connect with loved ones. It’s become a time to reflect on my mom’s legacy and how I want to live my life in alignment with her values and my own.
If you’ve been struggling to establish or honor your own boundaries, here are some steps to help you get started:
5 Steps to Support Yourself in Setting Boundaries
1. Understand That Boundaries Are About You
Boundaries aren’t about rejecting others. They’re about protecting what’s important to you so you can thrive. Think of them as an act of self-respect and self-care.
2. Know Your Why.
When you understand why a boundary matters to you, it becomes easier to hold. Whether it’s protecting your energy, preserving time for family, or honoring a loved one’s memory, knowing your reason gives you strength to stick to it.
3. Practice Saying No
Holding boundaries doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Practicing phrases like, “I can’t commit to that right now,” or “This isn’t the best time for me,” can help you feel more confident when the moment comes.
4. Communicate Clearly
Once you’ve set a boundary, let others know what to expect. For example, “I don’t take work calls on weekends,” or, “This time is reserved for family.” Clear communication reduces confusion and reinforces your commitment.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Adjust
Boundaries may evolve as life changes. What worked last year might not work this year—and that’s okay. Reflect on your needs regularly and adjust as necessary to honor yourself.
Two More Steps to Strengthen Your Boundaries
6. Seek Support from Trusted People
Share your boundaries with people you trust, whether they’re family, friends, or colleagues. Let them know why the boundary is important to you. Their understanding and encouragement can make it easier to hold firm when challenges arise.
7. Celebrate Your Progress
Setting and holding boundaries takes practice and courage. Celebrate the wins—big or small—when you honor a boundary, especially if it was difficult to do so. Acknowledge how it’s helping you create a more balanced, purposeful life.
Ready to Set Boundaries and Reclaim Your Joy?
Setting boundaries is a powerful way to prioritize yourself and the life you want to live. If you’re ready to go from burnout to balanced, I’d love to help.
Let’s create a personalized roadmap to rediscover your purpose, increase your balance, and find more joy in your work and life.
Schedule a free strategy call with me today, and let’s start your journey to joy. Together, we’ll create a plan that helps you honor your boundaries and build a life that lights you up.
Click here to book your call or send me a message to learn more.
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